Transcripted by Yours Truly

A Rob Reiner Film

Harry Burns - Billy Crystal
Sally Allbright - Meg Ryan
Marie - Carrie Fisher
Jess - Bruno Kirby
Joe - Steven Ford
Alice - Lisa Jane Persky
Amanda - Michelle Nicastro

(Plane lands, Harry and Sally meet again on one of those motorised walkways in the Airport)

Harry: Staying over?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?

(Sally looks over)

Harry: Just friends.

Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry: When did I say that?

Sally: On the ride to New York.

Harry: No no no no, I never said that.  (Harry pauses, thinks.)  Yes, that's right, they can't be friends.  Unless both of them are involved with other people then they can.  This is an amendment to the earlier rule,  if the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possibility of involvement is lifted.  (Pauses) That doesn't work either because what happens then is the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with.  Like it means something is missing from their relationship and "why do you have to go outside to get it?".  Then when you say, "no no no no, it's not true nothing's missing from the relationship", the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which we probably are, I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it, which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment which is men and women can't be friends, so where does that leave us?

Sally: Harry.

Harry: What?

Sally: Goodbye.

Harry: Oh, OK.

(They both start to walk along the motorised walkway, side by side)

Harry: I'll just stop walking, I'll let you go ahead.   (Another old couple on the same couch)

Man: We were married forty years ago.  We were married three years, we got a divorce.  Then I married Margerie.

Woman: But  first you lived with Barbara.

Man: Right, Barbara.  But I didn't marry Barbara I married Margerie.

Woman: Then he got a divorce.

Man: Right, then I married Kitty.

Woman: Another divorce.

Man: Then a couple of years later at Atticalicio's funeral, I ran into her.  I was with some girl I don't even remember.

Woman: Ruberta.

Man: Right, Ruberta.  But I couldn't take my eyes off you.  I remember I snuck over to her and I said... What did I say?

Woman: You said, "What are you doing after?"

Man: Right.  So I ditched Ruberta, we go for a coffee, a month later we were married.

Woman: Thirty five years today after our first marriage.

(Three women sitting outdoor at a table in a restaurant, nice view overlooking water and willow with skyscrapers faintly visible in the distance) (Five years have passed since Harry and Sally's last meeting)   Marie: I went through his pockets in bed.

Alice: Marie why do you go through his pockets?

Marie: You know what I found?

Alice: No, what?

Marie: They just bought a dinning room table.  He and his wife just went out and spent sixteen hundred dollars on a dinning room table.

Alice: Where?

Marie: Huh... The point isn't where, Alice.  The point is he's never going to leave her!

Alice: So what else is new you've known this for two years.

Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

Alice: Why can't you find someone single.  When I was I knew lots of nice single men.  There must be someone.  Sally found someone.

Marie: Sally got the last good one.

Sally: Joe and I broke up.

Alice: What?

Marie: When?

Sally: Monday.

(At the same time) Alice: You waited three days to tell us? Marie: You mean Joe's available?

Alice: Oh for God's sakes Marie don't you have any feelings about this?  She's obviously upset.   Sally: I'm not that upset, we've been growing apart for quite a while.   Marie: But you guys were a couple, you had someone to go places with, you had a date on national holidays.

Sally: I said to myself, "You deserve more than this, you're thirty one years old..."

Marie: And the clock is ticking.

Sally: No the clock doesn't really start to tick until you're thirty six.

Alice: God you're in such great shape.

Sally: Well, I've had a few days to get use to it, and uh... I feel OK.

Marie: Good!  Then you're ready.

(Marie reaches down to bring up her card index)   Alice: Oh really Marie.

Marie: Well how else do you think you do it?  (To Sally) I've got the perfect guy.  I don't happen to find him attractive but you might.  She doesn't have a problem with chins.

Sally: Marie, I'm not ready yet.

Marie: But you just said you were over him.   Sally: I *am* over him, but I'm in a mourning period.  (Pauses)  Who is it?

Marie: Alex Anderson.

Sally: (Disgusted) Uh!  You fixed me up with him six years ago.

(Alice giggles)

Marie: Sorry!   Sally: God!

Marie: Alright, wait, here, here we go, Ken Darmen.

Sally: He's been married for over a year.

Marie: Really.  (Dog-ears the his card) Married...  Oh wait, wait, wait, I got one.   Sally: Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like *if* I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.

Marie: OK, but don't wait too long.  Remember what happened to David Walsaw? His wife left him and everyone said, "Give him some time, don't move in too fast."  Six months later he was dead.

Sally: What are you saying?  I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die?

Alice: At least you could say you were married.

Marie: I'm saying, that the right man for you might be out there right now, and if you don't grab him someone else will and you'll have spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.

(At a  football game) (We follow the Mexican wave and see Harry and Jess)

Jess: When did this happen?

Harry: Friday.  Helen comes home from and she said, "I don't know if I want to be married anymore."  Like it's the institution, you know, like it's nothing personal, just something she's been thinking about... in a casual way.  I'm calm, I say, "Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know, don't rush into anything."

Jess: Yeah, right.

Harry: Next day she said she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation.  She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date.  Like this is supposed to cushion the blow.  I mean I got married so I can stop dating.  So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive since the last thing you want to do is date your wife, who's suppose to love you, which is what I'm saying to you, that's when it occurs to me that may be... she doesn't.  So I say to her, "Don't you love me anymore?"  You know what she says?

(Jess shakes his head)

Harry: "I don't know if I've ever loved you."

Jess: Ooo that's harsh.

(They partake in the Mexican wave)

Jess: You don't bounce back from that right away.

Harry: Thanks Jess.

Jess: No, I'm a writer, know dialogue and that's particularly harsh.

Harry:  Then she tells me that somebody in her office is going to South America and she can sub-let his apartment.  I can't believe this, and the doorbell rings, 'I can sub-let his apartment', the words are still hanging in the air, you know, like in a balloon attached to a mouth.

Jess: Like in the cartoon.   Harry: Right.  So I go to the door, and there were moving men there.  Now I start to get suspicious.  I say, "Helen when did you call these movers?", and she doesn't say anything.  So I asked the movers, "When did this woman book you for this gig?".  And they're just standing there.  Three huge guys, one of them was wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't mess with Mr. Zero."  So I said, "Helen, when did you make this arrangement?".  She says, "A week ago.".  I said, "You've known for a week and you didn't tell me?".  And she says, "I didn't want to ruin your birthday."

(They do the Mexican wave again)

Jess: You're say Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?

Harry: Mr. Zero know.

Jess: I can't believe this!

Harry: I haven't told you the bad part yet.

Jess: What could be worse than Mr. Zero knowing.

Harry: It's all a lie.  She's in love with somebody else, some tax attorney. She moved in with him.

Jess: How did you find out?

Harry: I followed her, I stood outside the building.

Jess: So humiliating.

Harry: Tell me about it.  (Pauses)  And do you know I knew?  I knew the whole time that even though we were happy it was just an illusion and that one day she will kick the shit out of me.

Jess: Marriages don't break up on a count of infidelity.  It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really?  Well that symptom is fucking my wife.

(Marie and Sally in a book store.  Second floor)

Marie: So I just happen to see his American Express bill.   Sally: What do you mean you just *happen* to see it?

Marie: Well, he was shaving and... there it was in his briefcase.

Sally: What if he came out and saw you looking through his briefcase?

Marie: You're missing the point, I'm telling you what I found.  He just spent a hundred and twenty dollars on a new night gown for his wife.  I don't think he's ever going to leave her.   Sally: No one thinks he's ever going to leave her.

Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

(Marie saw Harry peering at Sally through the top of his book)

Marie: Someone is starring at you in personal growth.   Sally: I know him.  You'd like him, he's married.

Marie: Who is he?

Sally: Harry Burns, he's a political consultant.

Marie:  He's cute.

Sally: You think he's cute?

Marie: How do you know he's married.

Sally: 'Cos last time I saw him he was getting married.   Marie: When was that?

Sally: Six years ago.

Marie: So he might not be married anymore.

Sally: Also he's obnoxious.

Marie: Uh, this is just like in the movies remember when the lady vanishes and she says to meet the most obnoxious man in the world....

Sally: The most contemptible.   Marie: And they fall madly in love.

Sally: Also he never remembers me.

Harry: Sally Allbright.

Sally: Hi Harry.

Harry: I thought it was you.

Sally: It is.  Huh... this is Marie.   (Marie is already on her way down stairs)

Sally: Was Marie.

Harry: How are you?

Sally: Fine!

Harry: How's Joe?

Sally: Fine.  (Pauses) I hear he's fine.

Harry: You're not with Joe anymore?   Sally: We just broke up.

Harry: Oh, I'm sorry, that's too bad.   Sally: Yah...well, you know...yah.  (Long pause)  So, what about you?

Harry: I'm fine.

Sally: How's married life?

Harry: Not so good.  I...I'm getting a divorce.

Sally: Oh, sorry.  Oh I'm really sorry.

Harry: Yeah, well, what're you going to do.  What happened with you guys?

(Harry and Sally now sitting in a empty restaurant, having coffee)

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other we wanted exactly the same thing.  We wanted to live together but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married it ruined their relationship, they practically never had sex again.  It's true.  It's one of those secrets that no one ever tells you.  I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids... actually this my girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she and Garry never did it anymore.  She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it.  She just said it matter-of-fact-ly.  She said, they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them.  (Pauses)  Joe and I use to talk about it and we'd say, we are so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in, we can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice.  And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I promised I'd take her to the circus, and, we were in the cab playing eye-spy.  Eye-spy mailbox, eye-spy lamppost.  And she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids and the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders and she said, "I spy a family".  And I started to cry.  You know I just started crying.  And I went home and I said, "The thing is Joe we never fly off to Rome on a moment's notice.

Harry: And the kitchen floor...

Sally: Not once, it's this cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

Harry: Umm.

Sally: Anyway, we talked about it for a long time and I said, "This is what I want." and he says, "Well I don't." and I said, "Well I guess it's over." and he left.  And the thing is I... I feel really fine.  I am over him, I mean I really am over him.  And that was it for him.  That was the most that he could give.  And everytime I think about it I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing.

Harry: Boy you sound really healthy.

Sally: Yah.   (Harry and Sally walking along in a park)

Sally: At least I got the apartment.

Harry: That's what everybody says to me too.  But really what's so hard about finding an apartment?  What you do is, you read the obituary column.  Yeah, you find out who died, and go to the building and then you tip the doorman. What they can do to make it easier is to combine the obituaries with the real estate section.  Say, then you'd have Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.   (They both sound of genuine laughter)

Harry: You know the first time I met I really didn't like you that much.

Sally: I didn't like you.

Harry:  Yeah you did, you were just so uptight then.  You're much softer now.

Sally: You know I hate that kind of remark.  It sounds like a complement but really it's an insult.

Harry: OK, you're still as hard as nails.

Sally: I just didn't want to sleep with you and you had to write it off as a character flaw instead of dealing with the possibility that it might have something to do with you.

Harry: What's the statute of limitation on apologies?

Sally: Ten years.

Harry: Ooo, I can just get it in under the wire.

Sally: Would you like to have dinner with me some time?

Harry: Are we becoming friends now?

Sally: Well... (Pause) yah.

Harry: Great!  A woman friend... You know you may be the first attractive woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.

Sally: That's wonderful Harry.

(New old couple again) (They "cross-talk" all the time, they kind of overlaps each other's speech)

Man: We were both born in the same hospital. Woman: Nineteen twenty one.

Man: Seven days apart.   Woman: In the same hospital.

Man: We both grew up one block away from each other. Woman: We both lived in tenements.

Man: On the lower east side.

Woman: On Delancey Street.

Man: My family moved to the Bronx when I was ten. Woman: He lived on Fordham Road.

Man: Hers moved when she was eleven. Woman: I lived on a hundred and eighty third Street.

Man: For six years she worked on the fifteenth floor as a nurse where I had a practice on the fourteenth floor in the very same building. Woman: I worked for a very prominent neurologist, Dr. (someone or rather).  We never met.   Man: Never met. Woman: Can you imagine that?

Man: You know where we met?  In an elevator.  In the ambassador hotel in Chicago Illinois. Woman: I was visiting family.  He was on the third floor I was on the twelve. Man: I rode up nine extra floors just to keep talking to her. Woman: Nine extra floors.