Transcripted by Yours Truly

A Rob Reiner Film

Harry Burns - Billy Crystal
Sally Allbright - Meg Ryan
Marie - Carrie Fisher
Jess - Bruno Kirby
Joe - Steven Ford
Alice - Lisa Jane Persky
Amanda - Michelle Nicastro

(At Marie and Jess's wedding.  Harry and Sally are best-man and bridesmaid.)

Priest: We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Marie and Jess, and to consecrate their vows of matrimony.  The vows they take join their lives, the wine their will share winds all their hopes together, and by the rings their will wear, they will be known to all as husband and wife.

Sally: I've never seen her so happy, she's a totally different person.

Alice: Oh yeah, she is, well... is great, so, what are you going to do about you?

Alice's husband: Hon, you want to dance?

Alice: Oh yeah, yeah.

Harry: Hi.

Sally: Hello.

Harry: Nice ceremony.

Sally: Beautiful.

Harry: Boy, the holidays are rough.  Every year I just try to get from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Years.

Sally: A lot of suicides.

Harry: Hmm.

Waiter: Would you like a ___ with a shrimp?

Sally: Thank you.

Harry: (To waiter.) No. (To Sally.)  How have you been?

Sally: Fine.

Harry: Are you seeing anybody?

Sally: Harry.

Harry: What?

Sally: I don't want to talk about this.

Harry: Why not?

Sally: I don't want to talk about it.

Harry: Why can't we get past this?  I mean, are we going to carry this thing around forever?

Sally: Forever?  It just happened.

Harry: It happened three weeks ago.

(Sally with a mouth opened, eye-brows stitched.)

Harry: You know a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?

Sally: Yes.

(Harry smiles, shrugs shoulders.)

Sally: Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?   Harry: Yes.

Sally: Who is the dog?

Harry: You are.

Sally: I am!?  I am the dog!?

Harry: Mmm hmm.   Sally:  I am the dog!?  I...

(Sally walks away, turns around signals Harry to follow.  They walk to a more private place.)

Sally: I don't see that Harry, if anybody is dog, you are the dog.  You want to act like what happened didn't mean anything.

Harry: I'm not saying it didn't mean anything.  I am saying is why does it have to mean everything?

Sally: Because it does!  And you should know that better than anybody because the minute that it happened you walked right out the door.

Harry: I didn't walk out.   Sally: No, sprinted is more like it.

(Sally storms into the kitchen.  Harry follows.)

Harry: We both agreed it was a mistake.   Sally: The worst mistake I've ever made.

(They are now in the kitchen.)

Harry: What do you want from me?

Sally: I don't want anything from you!

Harry: Fine.  Fine, but let's just get one thing straight.  I did not go over there that night to make love to you, that is not why I went there.  But you looked up at me with these big weepy eyes, don't go home night Harry, hold me a little longer Harry.  What was I supposed to do?

Sally: What are you saying, you took pity on me?

Harry: No, I was...

Sally: Fuck you!

(Sally slaps Harry whole-heartedly, then storms out of the kitchen.  Harry took a moment to absorb what has just happened, then follows.  On stage is Jess and Marie about to make a speech.  Harry and Sally have just arrived from the kitchen.)

Jess: Everybody could I have your attention please?  I'd like to propose a toast to Harry and Sally.  To Harry and Sally, if Marie or I had found either of them remotely attractive, we would not be here today.

(Applause all around.  Somehow the two faces aren't exactly smiling.)

(Harry rings Sally leaving a message on her answering machine.  Sally just got home from a lonely Christmas tree shopping, chooses not to pick up the phone.)

Harry: Hi, it's me.  It's is the holiday season and I thought I'd just remind you that this is the season for charity and forgiveness.  And although it's not widely known, it is also the season of grovelling.  So if you felt like calling me back, I'd be more than happy to do the traditional Christmas grovel.  Give me a call.

(Harry rings again.  Sally is working at home, but lets the machine answer.)

Machine: Hi, I'm not home right now, call you right back.

Harry: If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that you're a) Not at home.  b) Home, but don't want to talk to me. Or c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy.  If it's either a) or c) call me back.

(Sally looks at the machine, feeling something.)

(Harry and Jess buying a hotdog from a street stall.)

Harry: Obviously she doesn't want to talk to me.  What do I have to do, beat her over the head?  If she wants to call me she'll call me.  I'm through making a schmuck out of myself.

(Harry is leaving another message on Sally's machine.  He is singing into the phone...)

Harry: If you're feeling sad and lonely, there's a service I can render.  Tell the one who dig you only, I can be so warm and tender.  Call me, may be it's late so just, call me.  Don't be afraid to just, phone moire.  Call me and I'll be around... Give me a call.

(Sally picks up the phone.)

Sally: Hi Harry.

Harry: Hello, hi, hi.  I, I didn't... know... that you were... that you were there.  What are you doing?

Sally: I was just on my way out.

Harry: Where are you going?

Sally: What do you want Harry?

Harry: Nothing, nothing.  I... just called to say I'm sorry.

Sally: OK.

(LONG and awkward silence.)

Sally: I gotta go.

Harry: Wait a second, wait a, wait a second.  What are you doing for New Years?  Are you going to the Tyler's party?  'Cos I don't have a date, and if you don't have a date, we always said that if neither one of us had a date, we could be together for New Years.  And we... could... you know.... why don't...   Sally: I can't do this anymore, I am not your consolation prize.  Goodbye.

(Sally hangs up.)

(New Years Eve.  Harry is at home watching TV.)

TV: And here we are once again at the sixteenth annual New Year Rockin Eve coming to you live from the...

Harry (Voice over): What so bad about this?  You got Dick Clark, that's tradition.  You got Mallomars, the greatest cookies of all time.  And you're about to give the Knicks their first championship since nineteen seventy three.

(Harry misses the basket.)

(At the party.  Sally is dancing with some guy.  She doesn't look like she is enjoying herself.  He spins her, twirls her, flings her towards Jess and Marie.  "Don't get around much anymore" is playing.)

Sally: I don't know why I let you drag me into this.

(Harry is now walking the empty New Years street.)   Harry (Voice over): This is much better, fresh air, I have the streets all to myself.  Who needs to be at a big, crowded party pretending to have a good time?  Plus this is the perfect time to catch up on my window shopping.  This is good.

(Harry hears laughter, turns and spots a happy couple.)

(Back to the party.  Some guy is telling Sally a joke.)

Joker: So the guy says, "Read the card."  (laughts.)

(Sally laughs, not really getting the joke.  Turns to Marie.)

Sally: I'm going home.

Marie: You'll never get a taxi.

(Sally turns to the joker and laughs again.)

(In the street, Harry is finishes off an ice-cream, throws it in the bin. Starts to reminisce.)

Harry (Voice over): You realise of course that we can never be friends.

Sally (Voice over): Why not?

Harry (Voice over): What I'm saying... is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally (Voice over): That's not true.

Harry (Voice over): No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.  He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally (Voice over): What if they don't want to have sex with you?   Harry (Voice over): Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally (Voice over): Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry (Voice over): Guess not.

Sally (Voice over): That's too bad.  You are the only person I knew in New York.

("It had to be you" is playing in the backgraound.  Harry starts running to the party.  Sally is about to leave the party.)

Sally: I'm going.

Marie: It's almost midnight.

Sally: Well, the thought of not kissing somebody is just...

Jess: I'll kiss you.   (Harry tries to hail a cab but they all ignore him.  So he keeps running.)   Jess: Come one, stay, please.

Sally: Thanks Jess I just, I have to go.

Marie: Oh wait two minutes.

Sally: I'll cal you tomorrow.

(Sally kisses Marie then walks away.  Then she sees Harry arriving, still puffing.  Then, Harry sees Sally as well.)

Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking.  And the thing is, I love you.

Sally: What?

Harry: I love you.

Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?

Harry: How about you love me too?

Sally: How about I'm leaving.

Harry: Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?

Sally: I'm sorry Harry, I know it's New Years Eve, I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything alright.  It doesn't work this way.   Harry: Well how does it work?

Sally: I don't know but not this way.

Harry: Well how about this way.  I love that you get cold when it's seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.  And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Years Eve.  I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible.

Sally: You see, that is just like you Harry.  You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you.  And I hate you Harry... I really hate you.  I hate you.

(They kiss and make up.)

Harry: What does this song mean?  For my whole life I don't know what this song means.  I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot".  Does that mean we should forget old acquaintances or does it mean if we happen to forget them we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot them!?

Sally: Well may be it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something.  Anyway it's about old friends.   (They kiss and make up, once more.)

Harry (Voice over): The first time we met we hated each other.

Sally (Voice over): No, you didn't hate me, I hated you.  And the second time we met you didn't even remember me.

Harry (Voice over): I did too, I remembered you.  The third time we met, we became friends.

Sally (Voice over): We were friends for a long time.

Harry (Voice over): And then we weren't.

Sally (Voice over): And then we fell in love.

(Harry and Sally on the couch this time.)

Sally: Three months later we got married.

Harry: Yeah it only took three months.

Sally: Twelve years and three months.

Harry: We had this... we had a really wonderful wedding.

Sally: It was a, it really was, it was a wonderful wedding.

Harry: Yeah, we had this enormous coconut cake.

Sally: Huge coconut cake, with the, with the... tiers and this... very rich chocolate sauce on the side.

Harry: Right, 'cos not everybody like it on the cake 'cos it makes it very soggy.

Sally: Particularly the coconut, soaks up a lot of that stuff, so you really... it's important to keep it on the side.

Harry: Right.

THE END